Shutup and Listen (Fantasy Football for Mature Audiences)...

has a new post! Featuring the Red Wedding, Mark Sanchez, and CKShreve's mother. Click here to see it!

All-Star vs All-Misfit, Week 9

Here's a good story.

I was going to be in just three fantasy leagues this year. I had been in four last year, but I thought I'd scale it back this year and focus on dynasty leagues. That was, until my good friend Sean told me he had two spots open in his fantasy league and asked me if I could join. It was an 8-team league, so it was low pressure. He asked me if I could find another person,and I said I would. The draft was the same night he asked me, so time was short... I asked my girlfriend.

Let me explain. I love playing fantasy, and during fantasy season I think about it a lot. I thought that by giving my girlfriend her own team, she would get an appreciation for something I enjoyed. Ok, now back to the story:

She agreed. The league was full. The draft was that night. I'd already explained a little bit of how to draft, but I made her a cheat sheet based on the league's scoring and we went to draft. She handled her own drafting, occasionally asking me whether I had an opinion about Player A or Player B. But she did the whole thing herself.

Fast forward to Week 9. She's beaten me twice, and is leading the league with a record of 7-2. She definitely got an appreciation for fantasy football, and also for kicking all of us to the curb. It just goes to show: Everyone can love fantasy football.

The All-Star team contains the top players from each position in terms of Average Draft Positions. For instance, Peyton Manning was the first quarterback off of most boards this year. Therefore, he’s the weekly All-Star QB. If the All-Star player has a bye, I go to the next person at that position by ADP (when Manning is out, I go to Aaron Rodgers, the second QB off the board). The All-Misfit team contains the players that nobody expected to score, but hit paydirt. This team will change drastically week-to-week, as no player can be on it consecutive weeks.

The scoring is ESPN standard, and the team format is: QB, RB, RB, WR, WR, TE, D/ST, K.

Without further ado, here is your Week 8 All-Star team!

QB: Peyton Manning – 21 points
RB: LeSean McCoy – 11 points
RB: Jamaal Charles - 14 points
WR: Dez Bryant - 7 points
WR: Demaryius Thomas – 12 points
TE: Jimmy Graham - 14 points
D/ST: Seahawks - 15 points
K: Stephen Gostkowski – 15 points

Total: 109 points

McCoy had a good game here, and he's going to have an excellent second half. His O-Line is getting better. Peyton proved he's going to score, no matter what. Dez Bryant's lack of production was tied to Weeden being his quarterback - he's not a good play this week... but Calvin Johnson will be back so the All-Star team will be ok. Other than that, there's not much to see here.

Here’s the All-Misfit team!

QB: Mark Sanchez - 12 points
RB: Matt Asiata - 25 points
RB: Chris Polk - 11 points
WR: Taylor Gabriel - 14 points
WR: Rishard Matthews - 8 points
TE: Mychal Rivera - 15 points
D/ST: Rams - 17 points
K: Caleb Sturgis - 12 points

Total: 114 points

Sanchez is good in this offense... he probably stays here all year. Asiata is a huge drain for McKinnon owners, but he's not going away any time soon. But Adrian Peterson may come back.... Chris Polk is McCoy's handcuff, not Darren Sproles. Sproles has a unique role in that offense. Who the hell is Taylor Gabriel? And Mychal Rivera is a good plug-and-play streamer this week.

VICTORY: Misfits! 114-109. Close this week.

Overall: Misfits lead 4-1-1.

Week 10 Waiver Picking

Another terrible bye week... but not as bad as last week. This week, we have the Texans, Colts, Vikings, Patriots, Chargers, and Redskins gone. Good luck.

QUARTERBACKS

Mark Sanchez (vs. Carolina)

Chip Kelly’s offense is a plug-and-play offense for QBs. Any QB could go in and make fantasy music. The music may be clunky, but it’s good for double-digit points every week. Foles is out for a bit with a broken collarbone, and Sanchez is good to take you through another rough bye week. Interesting note: Many observers thought that Sanchez looked better than Foles in the preseason, but Foles kept the job because of his success last year.

Carson Palmer (vs. St. Louis)

Carson Palmer is 5-0 in games he’s played in this year. He’s also thrown 2 TD’s in each. I like him for the rest of the year, and he’s got good weapons to throw too. You can add and start him.

Ryan Tennehill (@ Detroit)

This matchup scares me, because Detroit has a great defense. But in another slim week, I’d say Tannehill is one of the best options that may still be available. He’s been very productive this year, and he’s always keeping defenses honest with his designed runs and scrambles.

WIDE RECEIVERS

Martavis Bryant (@ NYJ)

For all of Pittsburgh’s faults, they know how to cultivate WR’s. This kid is a huge part of the reason Big Ben has thrown for 12 touchdowns over the last two weeks. He’s getting more playing time and is a great complement to Antonio Brown’s insane athletic ability. He just makes opposing defenses look goofy. The Jet’s secondary already looks goofy, so Bryant will make them look like children.

Justin Hunter (@ Baltimore)

Baltimore is 30^th against the pass, and Hunter has incredible talent. I think he finds the endzone in a matchup that is closer than most people expect.

Jerricho Cotchery (@ Philadelphia)

Great matchup for a great talent, and they can’t throw everything to Olsen and Benjamin. Philadelphia’s offense is explosive, so Carolina will have to throw a lot to stay in this.

RUNNING BACKS

Bobby Rainey (@ Atlanta)

I like Rainey as long as Sims and Martin are inactive. As soon as either one of them comes back, his stock goes down (I do love Sim’s potential). But this is a great matchup, Rainey is running hot, and his hands are soft. Even if either Sims or Martin comes back this week, Rainey will likely lead the backfield in touches.

Terrance West (@ Cincinnati)

Another committee that you don’t want to rely on. Knowing the Browns, Crowell will have 30 touches and Tate will throw a touchdown this coming week. But if you HAVE to pick up a RB this week (and you might, the waiver is bare) then grab West. Ben Tate is bad, and Crowell had no touches this past week.

Adrian Peterson (BYE)

NOTE: THIS IS ONLY IF YOU’VE GOT THE ROSTER SPACE TO BURN (and this is a week where you probably don’t have it). Peterson is taking a plea deal in his child abuse case and having it reduced to a misdemeanor (in exchange for probation, some community service, and a fine). He still faces potential discipline from the NFL, but the Vikings would welcome him back if he’s able. I’d say he’s got a 50% chance of helping you in your fantasy playoffs.

TIGHT ENDS

Heath Miller (@NYJ)

I told you, I love this big guy. He’s productive and gets open, and he’s a physical beast. Love the matchup too… and Big Ben’s on fire. FIRE IS CATCHING.

Owen Daniels (vs. Ten)

Came back this past week, looked good, and has a great matchup with Tennessee. In a productive offense, I’d start Daniels. He’s good for a touchdown against the Titans.

Scott Chandler (vs. Kansas City)

This week sucks for pickups. Chandler has a chance to score. And that’s all I got for you here. Sorry.

Shutup and Listen (Fantasy Football for Mature Audiences)...

has a new post! Go check out which rookies CKShreve thinks you should be picking up by clicking on the menu above.

All-Star vs. All-Misfit Week 8!

These next two weeks are the most important weeks of the regular season in fantasy football.

I’m not joking. The roster decisions you make in Week 9 and Week 10 will likely decide your fantasy championship. For all of those 6-2, 7-1, or (nice going) 8-0 teams out there, you can take a hit at this point. That means that if you have a player with great matchups in your league’s championship weeks, you can take a 0 at their position if they’re on bye here. Maybe make some trades, boost up your roster. You’ve almost locked up a playoff spot and now that should be your entire focus.

For those teams that are 5-3, 4-4, or 3-5, these weeks are also insanely critical. You’re two games out of locking up a playoff spot or falling completely out of contention. You cannot afford to take 0s, and if you’re rostering two middle-of-the-road TEs, D/STs, or QBs…. Well, don’t do that.

Oh and for those stuggling teams out there - Sometimes you’re the highest scorer in your league. Sometimes, you’re the second highest scorer in your league. In one of my leagues this week, I was the latter… against the former. Some days you put up 182 and they put up 190. Luck of the draw.

The All-Star team contains the top players from each position in terms of Average Draft Positions. For instance, Peyton Manning was the first quarterback off of most boards this year. Therefore, he’s the weekly All-Star QB. If the All-Star player has a bye, I go to the next person at that position by ADP (when Manning is out, I go to Aaron Rodgers, the second QB off the board). The All-Misfit team contains the players that nobody expected to score, but hit paydirt. This team will change drastically week-to-week, as no player can be on it consecutive weeks.

The scoring is ESPN standard, and the team format is: QB, RB, RB, WR, WR, TE, D/ST, K.

Without further ado, here is your Week 8 All-Star team!

QB: Peyton Manning – 23 points
RB: LeSean McCoy – 9 points
RB: Jamaal Charles - 23 points
WR: Dez Bryant - 9 points
WR: Demaryius Thomas – 10 points
TE: Jimmy Graham - 11 points
D/ST: Seahawks - 12 points
K: Stephen Gostkowski – 15 points

Total: 115 points

With Calvin Johnson gone another week (and surprise: he’s gone this week too, folks… Bye Week) Dez tried to fill in again here and failed. However, the takeaways here are that Jamaal Charles’ sluggish start to the season is now a thing of the past – he’s gotten over 100 yards from scrimmage in his last few games. Also – Jimmy Graham is healthy and officially back on the “start with confidence” TE1 spectrum. He’ll return to Top-3 TE shape in no time. McCoy’s still trying to find some holes – I bet he’d find more if he bought all of his O-Line the new Madden so they can see how good they’re supposed to be. Seahawks D/St bounced back after all that chatter, but they’re still matchup dependent, like almost every defense except perhaps the Lions.

Here’s the All-Misfit team!

QB: Ben Roethlisberger - 44 points
RB: Lorenzo Taliaferro - 18 points
RB: Theo Riddick - 13 points
WR: Brandin Cooks - 21 points
WR: Donte Moncrief - 17 points
TE: Tim Wright - 12 points
D/ST: Dolphins - 26 points
K: Billy Cundiff - 13 points

Total: 164 points

Ok, so Big Ben’s Big Day (dibs on the children’s book with that title…) totally skewed this. But last week was a crazy fantasy week, with a bunch of big days for a bunch of people. I expect Taliaferro to be a weekly Flex consideration, with Bernard Pierce clearly in the doghouse. Brandin Cooks is also legit – another weekly flex with WR2 upside (especially playing at home… and he’s a solid WR2 in PPR). Tim Wright makes his second appearance on the misfit team – all that guy does is catch touchdowns, annoy Gronk owners, and catch more touchdowns. Ben Roethlisberger’s production here is a complete flash in the pan – don’t buy into it. If you started him, great. If not, don’t start him this week.

VICTORY: Misfits. By a lot.

Overall: Misfits lead 3-1-1.

Week 9 Waiver Picking

This week is TERRIBLE bye-week. Good luck.

QUARTERBACKS

Michael Vick (@ Kansas City)

Yah, yah, yah I get why you’re screaming at me. But Michael Vick used to be a great QB, and at this point he’s fighting for a starting spot. He’s got cool toys with Eric Decker and Percy Harvin, and the guy can still run. I think he’ll do fine this week.

Brian Hoyer (vs. Tampa Bay)

I’d start YOU versus Tampa Bay. But seriously – he doesn’t completely suck as an NFL QB. Ignore the Jacksonville game. He’ll throw it a couple of times into the endzone.

Teddy Bridgewater (vs. Washington)

Washington’s young secondary looked great on Monday Night Football. But that was a rivalry game in the spotlight. I expect Bridgewater to air it out a lot (especially since Washington actually has a good run defense this year). He’ll throw a TD and maybe sneak one in on the ground.

WIDE RECEIVERS

Mike Evans (@ Cleveland)

He’s getting a decent amount of targets every game, and Haden will try to take away VJax. I think this opens up the field for Evans to score again.

Martavis Bryant (vs. Baltimore)

Just want to throw it out there – the Steelers’ offense looked phenomenal this past weekend. Roethlisberger is coming to Baltimore for a rivalry game, and he’s coming in hot. Bryant will get his.

Allen Robinson (@ Cincinnati)

I like Allen Robinson, and he is the only receiving option you want to own in Jacksonville. He finds the endzone and gets a ton of targets against a Bengals defense that is floundering.

RUNNING BACKS (aka Slim Pickin’s)

Charles Sims (@ Cleveland)

You heard it here first (maybe). Lovie Smith inherited Doug Martin and Bobby Rainey when he came to Tampa Bay. He chose Charles Sims, and talked him up this week. Sims can pass-catch and run the ball hard… and he’s super-duper available in nearly every league out there. Grab him.

DeAngelo Williams (vs. New Orleans)

I usually don’t advocate for starting a Carolina RB. But this week, you may be desperate, and Williams loves to run. He’s the best back on the team, and the only one that’s really healthy.

Denard Robinson (@ Cincinnati)

I told you last week to get him. A lot of you didn’t. Your loss – he’s a bright spot in an otherwise dismal offense. Seriously though – he’s running through holes that aren’t there.

TIGHT ENDS

Dwayne Allen (@ NYG)

Allen is a top-12 TE and I don’t understand why he’s so available. That said, he’s got a good matchup against the Giants, and he’s a favorite target of Andrew Luck.

Larry Donnell (vs. Indianapolis)

On the other side of this game, I think it’s time for Donnell to reemerge. Coming out of the bye, I think he and Eli had a meeting and realized that Eli+Donnell=Touchdowns=winning. I’m not good at math, but I think winning is good.

Niles Paul (@ Minnesota)

Jordan Reed is a top-10 TE. But Gruden has realized that he needs to buy time for his QB to throw at his star wide receiving duo. Niles Paul is their blocking back, and he also gets open for dump passes when coverage breaks down. He’s seeing a lot of snaps, which is worth a streaming add this week.

TOFFG interview: Marshawn Lynch!

This week, we had the honor of interviewing a man of few words - Marshawn Lynch. He typically doesn't like talking to the media, but we were able to get some fake answers out of him.

The Other Fantasy Football Guys: Thank you for joining us today, Mr. Lynch. Can we call you Marshawn?

Marshawn Lynch: Yah.

TOFFG: You actually seem to have a lot of nicknames, such as “Skittles,” “Beast Mode,” and even “Money” back in college at Cal. Where do all of these come from?

ML: I’m Beast Mode on the field. It’s what I do.

TOFFG: What about “Skittles?”

ML: Yo, have you ever had Skittles? Taste the rainbow, man. I got a custom Skittles dispenser in my locker. Keep me goin’.

TOFFG: It really does seem to. You have been unstoppable on the field, but you’ve averaged 300 carries per season going into this year. Aren’t you worried about getting hurt?

ML: I’m just ‘bout that action, boss.

TOFFG: Yes, we know. But what about your physical condition? Have you had any worries about your ability to continue playing at this level?

ML: No. I’m worried about other people trying to play at my level.

TOFFG: Right… in other news, how do you feel about the Percy Harvin trade?

ML: Damn, they got my *censored*.

TOFFG: I’m terribly sorry, Skittles. But how do you prepare for games, going forward? Your team can’t stretch the field as much, so they might not be able to give you the ball.

ML: Stay ready so it ain’t no getting ready.

TOFFG: What does that even mean?

ML: ...

Photo Credit